Hello, hello. This video is a continuation of the previous video about end of life.
As you know by now, I became an end-of-life doula and I’m going with somebody to Dignitas in Switzerland. He decided that he wants me to go with him instead of his family. We had lots of discussions about this decision. Before I share his reasoning, think about what you would do and what you would want.
Now for what he told me. He said that during his last few days (the process requires about three days partially filled with meetings, verifications, and so on) he wants to focus on positive things. He said he wants to learn something new. He knows me a little bit, but he wants to get to know me better. He wants to talk about philosophy and ideals about life. He said he doesn’t want to be sad. He doesn’t want to look at pictures of himself in his youth. He doesn’t want to see the kids and the grandchildren he will leave behind. He said he wants to depart from his family, and he doesn’t want to feel that maybe he made a bad decision during these three days. He doesn’t want to feel guilt. He mostly doesn’t want to feel sad. He wants to try to be in a good place emotionally. He said that if he is with his family he’s worried that he will see them crying, that he will start crying, that it will be sad and difficult. He doesn’t want that.
Now, I will say that when my mother was passing away, she also did not want to look at pictures. There was a point in her illness where she did not want the sadness. I also felt very strongly that that at the end she didn’t want to see us crying and we tried very hard not to cry.
So, you know, when he initially asked me to join him, I thought that there were maybe friction in the family or maybe there were some things that were not going well and that’s why he asked me. But then he explained his reasoning and I have to say that I understand his perspective. It’s complex, it’s painful. But I do understand it.
I’m thinking about what I would want and I think I would want the same thing. I think going into this difficult process with a very fixed time, I don’t think I would want to see the sadness in anybody’s face. I think I really would want both—to be with the people I love but without sadness. But I don’t think that’s possible.
So maybe he is correct.
Very sad and I hope you also find it very interesting.
