Hello, hello.
One more video having to do with end of life and the person that I’m traveling with to Dignitas in Switzerland. The story of that individual is that almost two years ago he decided that it was time to end things. He applied to Dignitas and was accepted. There was no date set, but there was the decision. He decided that’s how he wanted his life to end.
He applied to Dignitas to make sure this would be possible and then gathered his family to tell them about his decision even though there was not a date. There was just the general decision. As he finished, one of his kids said that they also had an announcement and pulled out an ultrasound of their eight-week pregnancy.
My person, of course, was very happy about this news and delayed things. It turns out that there were many delays for the next (almost) two years. All sorts of things that had a date that the family implied, that he wanted to wait for. And he kept delaying and delaying and delaying until he recently decided to not delay anymore.
There continue to be many reasons that he can delay for, but he has decided against any more. I asked him how he feels about the last year and a half when he extended his life and got to experience all kinds of wonderful things. He said he is positive about that part—that he got to do lots of things. But if his family would have been okay with it, he would have stopped a while ago. He said that he was happy he was there for them, for the celebrations and, not to sadden them before an event. But he said for him, it would have been better to part a while ago.
I asked him if, of the delays he had, how many were purely for him and how many were because he felt that his family wanted it—as a father, potential grandfather, husband—and he wanted to fulfill his duties? What was the percentage?
He said about 80% of the effect were that he wanted to do it for them. He wanted to do it—not directly for him. But because it was important for them.
It reminded me that in some of the research we did on end of life, we found that often the patient is in much higher acceptance. They accepted their fate and are not as anxious about it. And the family, of course, is in a different place.
I don’t know whether this delay was overall good or not. It’s hard to judge—retrospective judgment and so on. But I think the insight that people make lots of decisions including at the end of life, because of others, is certainly important for good and for bad. What do we ask people to do for us? I asked him for his perspective how much he did for himself vs. for them. I did not talk to his family and I don’t think I will. But how do they feel about asking him to continue something that is good for them but maybe not good for him?
This whole topic has lots of complexities. Hopefully over time there will be some answers.
