One more installment of our end-of-life series. So, I told you that I became an end-of-life doula and that I’m going with somebody to Dignitas to end their life on a particular date, at a particular hour because he asked me to join him.
I was thinking about the time that we will have together. The process takes a few days. You arrive one day, there’s a meeting with a psychologist and a clinician another day, another meeting with a psychologist and clinician to make sure that the person really wants to go through with this. And we’re going to have a lot of quality time together. And then there’s going to be the actual procedure.
But the procedure will be relatively short, and we’ll have quite a few days together.
The procedure, I’m sure, will be sad. I’ll do what I can to be there for him in the way that he wants me to. I am wondering what the multiple days will be like. He will be thinking about the clock counting backwards. I will be thinking about the clock counting backwards. What is possible under those conditions? He wants to learn new things, to think new thoughts, to get to know each other better, to share. He doesn’t want to be sad. He wants to be optimistic and think about life.
What will these conversations be like? Will I be able to set aside that countdown and focus on the moment? Will having the countdown make the moments feel more precious? How will it change from day to day? Maybe three days before will feel like a long time. Maybe the night before will feel different. I don’t know.
I am positive that I can be there for him. And I think I’ll do a good job with whatever he wants. I think he picked me for a particular reason that was good for him. I don’t know what other people would want, but I think he most likely can get what he wants from me. I will be there for him in the best possible way. But what will it be like for me? I don’t know.
He also said that he didn’t want his family to fly one way there with him and then back without him. He said that it will be less traumatic for me to do it. That’s also true. I’m sure it will be traumatic to some degree. I don’t know to what. Certainly, less for me than his family. So, he’s asking me to accept the burden and not his family.
But how will it be? How will it be to be there? How will it be over time? How will the procedure be? How will flying back alone be? I’m hoping that I cand do what he wants me to. That’s the main thing. I need to figure out how to do that in the best possible way.
The discussions about end of life are sad. But I think they also help us think about the positive things about life.
