Hello, hello.
I keep thinking about this life-shaking experience I’ve had. And what the lessons are. I might be back with more, but I think that the main lesson is that it is possible to die well. There are two elements to this: the physical dying, which the Swiss seem to be handling very well. (It looks like more countries, and more places are allowing a version of this. So hopefully this will be better.) And then there’s the mental part—the preparation for it. And Moshe did it very well.
There’s this research in psychology about how important the end is and how an ending colors the whole experience. For example, we end a meal with dessert. And I think Moshe had a very good ending: lots of love from his family, lots of feeling of accomplishment, feeling that he finished all the things he was supposed to be doing, felt he was useful, successful, and so on. The day before he passed away, during the meeting with the physician, Moshe asked me if I wanted to be there at the last moment. He also asked the physician if he thought it was a good idea for me to be there at the last moment. And the physician said that it would certainly be a difficult moment, but he thought that because Moshe was going in such a positive way that it wouldn’t have a long-term negative impact. And I think it will not. It is certainly a moment that I keep thinking about and reimagining. But I think that seeing the peacefulness and commitment and ease and happiness on Moshe’s side, and seeing the ease on the physical side, is something I’ll draw on when it’s my time.
We also talked a lot about why assisted suicide is such a complex topic. Of course it has to be complex. But one of the things that he said was that maybe this is the new divorce. He said a long time ago divorce was a taboo topic and you didn’t want to bring it up because more people would say, “Oh maybe I should consider that as well.” He said that the same goes for suicide. Society doesn’t want people to consider this option. It goes against lots of values, lots of the commitment we want people to have to their lives, and so on. He said there are societal pressures that we don’t yet understand (the same that used to apply to divorce) that are now acting this option. And I have to say that seeing how peaceful, at ease, and positive he was about getting to that moment, I can see his point.
I do want to end this on a positive note because I’ve been thinking not just about the lessons from the physical aspect, but also the lessons from our time together; one of the topics we talked about is that lots of people think about gratitude. Whether a gratitude diary, saying some things about gratitude, or thinking about it as a daily activity, it’s very good. We naturally focus on the negative and with gratitude we focus on the positive. And it’s not only about looking at the past and looking at the present, it’s also about an attitude. How do you look at the world? Are you looking with an eye toward the negative or an eye toward the positive. And with gratitude you rethink about the past, you rethink about the present, and you also prepare yourself for a different perspective in the future. Am I looking at the negative things? Or am I going to spend the day looking for the positive things so I can say what I’m grateful for?
In one of our discussions, we thought that the same thing is true for romantic love. That we need to do the same exercise of gratitude, in general, is probably wonderful to do for romantic life. Focusing on the good, focusing less on the negative, and changing our position going forward to looking and searching for the things that are wonderful, exciting, and positive.
So, to the wonderful, to over-focusing on the positive in the past, in the moment, and looking at the positive moving forward.
Those are the lessons for now.
