What do you do when you’re talking to somebody in a party and notice
that they have something in their teeth? I always tell them. But I have a very specific way of doing so. I basically say, “I want to tell you that I have a rule, and my rule is that if I see somebody with something in their teeth, I tell them. And you, my friend, have something in your teeth.”
Now, why do I do it this way? First of all, I should say it’s true—I do have this rule. Why did I make a rule? I made it because I don’t ever want to question whether I should tell someone or not. I basically decided a long time ago that I think it’s a good idea to tell people the truth if they have something in their teeth and I don’t want to be in a situation where I question myself and end up not say anything. So, I basically created the rule for myself. It’s not a rule that comes from the outside, it’s rule that I made, but it is easier for me to follow it. This is true for lots of things if you think about it. Creating a rule for ourselves makes it easier to live up to our own standards.
Not only did I create a rule, I also tell people that I have this rule before I tell them they have something in their teeth. And this basically takes pressure off. People don’t have to question why I told them, whether they are an exception, or if it is extra bad? They are just a part of the rule. It basically removes any personal issues from the interaction. It’s not about them. It’s about a rule.
Now, how many people do you think thank me for this? It turns out everybody so far has thanked me. I’ve done it many times. But think about this idea. We want to act in a certain way and creating a rule for ourselves helps us. If we worry about the social reaction, telling people that we have a rule helps as well.
Such rules helps with other things, too. If somebody asks me to spend time on X, Y and Z? If I have a rule about this, I can respond with something like, “I’m sorry, I have a rule that I don’t do X, Y or Z, and therefore I can’t do it.” Having rules for talks or traveling and such helps me adhere to my overall arching goals and it also makes the rejection or the communication to somebody less offensive.
So, two suggestions: One, adopt the rule of saying that if you see somebody with something in their teeth, you’ll tell them. Also adopt telling them about your rule before you tell them that they have something in their teeth. Second, think about where you have standards for behaviors that you sometimes don’t adhere to. Is it about saying yes to things? About saying no to things? If you can, create a rule for it and I assure you it will be easier to follow your new self-imposed rules.
Here’s to self-imposed rules!
